if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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