..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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