I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
