Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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