i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize