Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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