the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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