kristin has been a bad kristin
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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