Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
