why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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