What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Text me some of your sweat
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
