Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
