Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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