You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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