return my video game
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
