so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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