if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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