I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
