I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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