im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
