It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
