I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
