I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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