Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
