i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
