She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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