I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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