please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
