for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
