you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize