i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A+ Viking dick
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize