It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
time to smoke my breakfast
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
