I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize