trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
