Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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