I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
