I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
