I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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