i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
