wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
