I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
