I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
