so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
