he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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