I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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