You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
