mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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