I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
