Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
