K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
