Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
