you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
