I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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