I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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