sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
