I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize