so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
