I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
