R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
ugly people sure do ruin things
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
