How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
