thus making me awesome and them whores
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
