I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
