im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
