bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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